Jae,

I'm sorry, and I wish I could take your pain away and just hold it so you don't have to feel it anymore. I wish there was still an us, and that we could fix things, because I can't tell you how desperately I want to fix things. I don't want to move on, I …

yesterday

you sat with me yesterday. in the midst of a crowd of people that we both had no interest in. you sat with me, and you asked how I was, how I was bearing up - even though we spoke nearly everyday before yesterday. I couldn’t look you in the eye, I couldn’t let you …

boxes

I felt  the need to box myself up.  I didn't know how to fit myself into my own idea of who I was, I wanted to shrink myself to comfortably, and neatly fit into the boxes that others had laid out for me. I didn't want to be too big, neither did I want to …

hiding

*TRIGGER WARNING*   I've been hiding for a while.  it was easier to hide and find relief in a blade being drawn to my skin. sketching words onto me that were there emotionally, but couldn't be physically removed. my heart hurt, it hurt a lot and I was swallowed by perfectionism, grades, and wanting to …