my heart hurts tonight.

it hurts a whole load and I don’t think I’ve felt so much hurt and pain in a while, I don’t think I’ve felt so useless, unvalued and unloved in such a long time.

and I really wanted to write about Christianity and loving people, but it’s SO hard. I can’t lie about that. I have no idea how Jesus did it. how he still gave his life for the people that betrayed him, hated him, turned on him, despised him. I have no idea how he did it because it’s SO hard to love people, and care for them when they hurt you so much, in ways you never thought possible.

the thing is, God doesn’t love them any less than He loves you. He loves us all equally and sees sin on the same level. He doesn’t pick and choose, but He gives according to how He’s made us, and to our abilities.

I need to be constantly reminded of this, but it’s so hard. and I wish I could really leave with you some inspirational and bright message on loving people, because it’s what I try to do so hard, and so much but do you know what? it’s okay if it hurts too. it’s okay if you’re mad for a little while, because God cares about your feelings too, and He knows how you’re feeling, and He gets it.

my heart hurts tonight, and I will love people as much as I can, up close or from afar, but for now I’m gonna sit here in my pain, and let Jesus do His thing.

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