you smiled at me today and my heart soared like it’s never soared before. I think it was that moment that I fell in love with you. yes, that moment today, when you made me feel like I was the only woman in the world. your eyes were on me, and it felt like all eyes were on me.

I wanted to look away in that moment, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t let go of your gaze, because those brown eyes held a lot of truth and, sacrifice in them. I managed to peel my eyes away from yours, but you still stared, and I could feel your eyes still on me while I studied your hands; one was holding a pen, and the other was just there, laying so simple and still on the table. 

they were rough, your hands, I mean. they had a sense of duty, and harshness to them. like you’d been working every day of your life, fighting to live. not merely just grasping at the clutches. you dug deep, and you gave it your all, and you didn’t hesitate or doubt what you were doing in that moment, or after it. I liked that about you, I liked it a whole lot.

I wanted to hide, but I couldn’t and so I didn’t, because only time will tell where this goes. whether we are right for one another, or if I should give my heart to you now, and just let it be done with. I don’t know, and I guess that I’ll never really know, but one thing I am sure of, is that we are forever each other’s – to one another, and to ourselves, individually. we don’t belong to the other, but we do, as well as belonging to ourselves. 

I don’t know if that makes sense, I hope it does; and I hope that we continue to have the moments in coffee shops where we catch the other staring at us, in the midst of reading and writing. in the midst of studying, and looking further into the Truth. I hope I can catch more moments of you sleeping, and the dent in the middle of your eyebrows when you’re concentrating so hard to find something that I’ll love. 

and, I want to say it’s selfish that I want more of you, and I don’t want to let you go. because, I don’t think it is. I don’t think it’s selfish to know what’s yours and fight for it, because you fight for me everyday, and I know that you know, that I do the same for you, everyday, too. I can’t wait for the moment that we’ll share in creating our own little people, and being able to extend our love onto another human being. we don’t have to wait, and we don’t because we have our family, our community and sharing my people with you has been one of the greatest and most fulfilling things I’ve ever done in my life.

I don’t think I’ve told you yet, but I’m in love with you. I’m in love with all of you, and the One that created someone so perfect for me. I’m in love with who you are, and the man that I can see you becoming. I would say thank you for loving me, but I know it’s in that moment you’d bring your finger to my lips, and then move it across my cheekbone, to then have your hands hold my face, and tell me that loving me is a privilege, that for you to love me is an honour, and I must never apologise for who I am, because it’s how He created me, and you love me, and that’s enough.

if ever I could say it enough, if ever I could tell you how much you mean to me, and how those hard hands, and intense, yet soft, brown eyes mean to me, I would tell you every second of the day, for the rest of our lives. 

I can still feel you watching me now, and when I move my gaze from your hands and back to your face, I see the corners of your mouth lift, and my heart soars once again, but this time, I know you feel it too. 

and now, I know what it is to love.

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