I haven’t been feeling anything for a while, and rain hasn’t poured from the sky in a while either. my eyes are tired, and my body worn out all the time to the extent that exhaustion is an understatement that cannot possibly describe how I feel about this life.

maybe it has something to do with depression, or maybe it’s to do with the wariness I have of others; because I want to continuously extend a hand and my heart, to love others. but, your hand can only be cut off a certain amount of times, and your heart be hurt, until you have to withdraw to protect what is left – which isn’t much in the end.

maybe I will continue stretching out a hand, because I don’t know what else to do or who else to hold up. maybe, that’s what this life is about, because nobody ever said it would be easy, but love makes it simple.

and maybe simplicity is what makes this world go round, the way that it is said that love makes the world go round. but, if anything I don’t know how Jesus did it, and I’m not sure if I can do it any longer. I’m tired, and my heart is breaking because there is only so much that you can give without it being given back, until you wonder why you’re even trying anymore.

tired is an understatement. I’m not sure who or what to put my trust in anymore and it’s draining me, to a point where I’m not even sure if I’ll ever find love. I want to continue to extend a hand, but there’s not much left of it anymore and I’m just really, really tired.

I’m exhausted.

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