give me love by ed sheeran came up on someone’s instagram the other day and I started crying about you at 8.15 in the morning. 

I hate that I can’t listen to + by ed, because it reminds me of you; and the very painful yet bittersweet memories we had. I can’t even decipher whether I loved you, or whether it was lust; because I don’t think lust could last this long, feel deeply and yet still be this painful after 3 years. but, we weren’t rooted in the very thing that holds my foundation now, and we were so young, we didn’t understand anything. we acted like we did, but we were just children, children who knew nothing apart from their own simple worlds. that’s why lust comes to mind, I didn’t know what love really was then, I don’t think either of  us did, maybe now you still feel like it’s love, and I won’t stop you from thinking that. it’s selfish, but it brings comfort to me, knowing somewhere, by someone, I am loved deeply.

now, I’m listening to give me love, because I want to see if I can drown you out, but I just keep crying and rivers keep flooding, and my heart keeps breaking. it’s 3 years on, and 

I still don’t know what to feel. 

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