my heart hurts tonight because I’ve realised my place in people’s lives and I can’t help but wonder if anything is wrong with me. if there’s a reason why I’m not good enough to be first place in someone’s life?
I put out love because I feel everyone deserves to know what it is, to feel it, to be it, because I know what it’s like to lack that but God, I hate myself. I hate myself and I really wonder what’s the point of me being here? what’s the point of putting people first and them just taking your heart in their hands and stabbing it repeatedly while they stare you dead in the eyes without flinching? what’s the point of being on this earth when I can’t even push myself to be who I want to be anymore.
I’ve lost my spark, I’ve lost myself and I feel so alone in all this. I mean, how messed up is it that I think someone won’t love me because of how much I weigh? or because I’m me? how sad is that.
I just want a hug and for someone to tell me it’s going to be okay because I’m tired of fighting alone. I’m so tired.