I got tired of asking about who I am, or who I was. I got tired of making everything about me, about knowing myself, about loving myself, about everything being so centred around me. I couldn’t breathe, and it suffocated me and all I could feel was myself drowning and then resurfacing, constantly. it was an endless cycle that I couldn’t deal with anymore. I couldn’t deal with focusing my life around myself and not caring about others. it was only when I took my eyes off of myself, off of my troubles and my hurt, that I saw you.
you were and are the only solution. when I stopped making it about me, and I made time and effort to pursue you the way you’ve been pursuing me, did I realise that I’ve been getting it wrong. I’d been asking the wrong questions. it took the falling and the hurting and the aching and the constant doubting and nervousness. it took me hating myself and hating this world, and the people that love me to realise that I’m not alone, and my life isn’t for me.
my life isn’t mine. it’s yours, and it’s for others. I’m tired of making things about me, and making everything about me. because when I found you, the more I got to know you and spend time with you, is when I found myself. I can’t explain how at peace I feel. how loved, and refreshed I feel. she’s arrived. the woman that you have made me to be, has arrived and God, has she come in apologetically and with a crash. she’s arrived and she’s ready to be.
I’m meant to be working and studying, but I can’t seem to take my eyes off of you. I can’t help but cry and be filled with so much peace, because I know and I can feel you dwelling within me. I can feel you, here, in my heart and I don’t want it any other way. I want this to be for you. you are my peace, and when people see me, I want them to see you. I want them to feel peace and love, so they get a glimpse of who you are and realise that they aren’t alone; and that they are
they are worth loving, because you’ve done it and you continue to pursue us despite how we treat you, how we hurt ourselves and others. you give us so much more than we could expect and my heart is so full. it’s full and I’ve never felt so much joy and love in my life.
I love you.