I only had my intelligence going for me. my looks weren’t and haven’t been everything but at least I had my brain and that was a reassurance that I could do fine and settle in life without having to worry about a guy supporting me. I’m smart enough to do things independently.
the problem was when that was taken away from me. every sense of talent or worth I had was stripped from me and I no longer know what I have going for me. I don’t know who’d want to deal with a sad, depressed human who can hardly look after herself, let alone be able to look after them too?
I’m scared because I don’t know what I have going for me anymore. I don’t know if any of this is worth it. if I’m just pursuing a dream that I won’t be able to achieve? if I’m pursuing friendships and relationships with people that even care about me?
I’m never good enough at what I do and I’m so tired of trying to catch up with everyone and myself. I’m so tired of my heart hurting and having to remember how you treated me three years ago. I have to remember and realise that I’m alone while everyone else is surrounded with people that love and support them.
my heart hurts because I don’t know where I’m going anymore. I don’t know what I’m doing and I’m so exhausted. I’m tired of myself, I’m tired of being depressed, I’m tired of and being the odd one out.
my heart fucking hearts and I just wish I could carve it out of my chest and just not feel anything again, because that would make this pain go away because I’m tired of not being good enough for myself. I’m tired of not being good enough for anyone and everyone.