I’m unsure of how I’m going to put these words down, because my heart has both been hurting and healing, it’s been holding onto hope but also allowing itself to be wounded, hurt and bruised by pain.
I feel like I’ve been bleeding continuously while someone is trying to cover up the wounds with a bandage. the bandage does help though, it helps because it gives me the hope that all this will be under control, that rather it’s God holding the bandage and in the end, He knows how to heal this broken heart of mine. He knows how to bandage the wounds that I keep trying to open up, and He never gets tired because He gets it each time. He doesn’t yell at me, or get frustrated at me for continuing to do such a stupid and childish thing as open up things that have hurt me and are hurting me, no. He loves me every single time and that makes me fall in love with Him more. it makes my heart yearn for the person that loves me unconditionally, that calls me back and loves me every single time I’m hurting, every time I feel like the people in my life are fed up of me; every time I’m fed up of myself.
for a long time, I thought that this boy was my first love, but truly Jesus is the one that my heart belongs to. He’s the one that always reaches out to me and never lets me go, or hurts me purposefully or unintentionally because He’s already proved His love for me. He died for me, and He said “it is finished”. it is finished because He cares about me, He loves me, He wants me, He made me. the creator of the earth loves me ?! I don’t think I can ever describe or take in the immense amount of love that this is. because, I crave for love and affection in every area of my life, not truly realising that He’s been wanting me to come to Him, to crave Him before I crave others, to love Him before I love others, to want to know Him before I know others; and honestly? as I’ve gotten to know Him more, I’ve learnt more about who I am. but, in the end it’s not about me. it’s about Him and His love and the sacrifice that He willingly made so that I can forever be at peace, so I can forever be free and not held down by the things that the enemy seems to trick me into believing hold me down. no, I am free. it is finished, and the price has been paid. Jesus loves me, He loves me so dearly and wonderfully and He holds my hand through it all. He gives the best hugs and flashes the best smile at me when I can no longer carry on – He gives me a reason to carry on, and
He loves me. He loves me. He loves me. He loves me. He loves me.
and, I love Him; immensely.