you’ve been teaching me what patience is. what learning to let go of my emotions and giving it to the One who created them, is. you’ve been teaching me how to learn to be the woman that I need to be not only for you and for others, but for me. you’ve been teaching me to learn to lean on the One who made us, rather than solely leaning on you.
you’ve been teaching me that love is more than feelings and random moments, but rather it is a continuous daily choice and action. a choice that matters, to each and every single person that crosses your path on a daily basis. it’s an action, because I’ve learnt that despite previous words and thoughts, we don’t get to choose who we love. we just do it, because we are loved and everyone has the right to love. it’s not our choice.
what you haven’t taught me, is that I am beautiful. it’s become a realisation that I came to when we spent less time together. I’ve learnt from briefly departing from you that I am beautiful and our Father loves me. I am beautiful because it is who I am, and I don’t get to choose how I feel about that.
what I’ve learnt from you, is that you don’t truly see how much you’re worth. yes, you have an idea of your worth but damn, you are beautiful. beautiful isn’t even enough to describe how you make my heart feel on a daily basis. how when you take time to remove yourself from the realms of sarcasm you utter such magnificent words that my heart can barely even take in. everything about you makes me want you, your somewhat over confidence in your abilities, your sarcastic tongue, your mean/competitive streak, your love for the One who created you, your love for the people around you, your lack of faith but extreme confidence in your talents and your abilities, your crooked smile and your strange taste in music.
everything about you makes my heart yearn for more of you. despite your outward appearances and your doubt in what we could be, can be, I know you love me. I know it, because I feel it within my own heart, within my soul. I know it, because you show it without you realising that it’s the little things that make the big things count. I know it because occasionally with the slip of your tongue you utter the words in a not so obvious way. I know it, because you know what we have and it scares you, so you run.
it’s not okay, because my heart hurts. but it’s okay, because I know your heart is healing and in the end, things will be more than okay. sometimes, we have to learn to grow separately, to grow individually before we can truly see our worth in others and for them to see our worth and value us completely. I want to say that I’m waiting, but I’m not; I’m merely growing so that we don’t take up one another’s space, as of yet. I’m growing so that I can be the woman that I need, the woman that you already see and most importantly, the woman that our Father wants me to be; for His kingdom, for this world, for my people, for myself,