it’s days like this where loving myself is hard; hard because I can’t seem to understand the reason why I hate the flesh that I’m in so much and that I’ve let the views and opinions of what others seem to think of me, affect me from moving forward and being the woman that i want to be.
it’s days like this, where I dislike going out, because I’m scared of what the world will think of my uneven eyes and size 10/12/14 body. what the world may see as fat or curvy or thick or disgusting. too much body. too much attitude. too much love and anger all mixed together as if it’s just one big fat recipe.for disaster.
it’s days like this, where I feel as if I cannot be loved. because, I have never been taught to love myself, to love this person within me. to love the inside, because the outside means something, but it doesn’t count for everything. it’s what’s forming inside me that makes me who I am.
it’s days like this, where I wonder if I’m even worth fighting for. if me trying, is even worth it. if I could ever fall in love or if anyone could fall in love with me. if the love of my life, at this moment in time will ever see my worth and choose me and pursue rather than me chasing.
it’s days like this, where I wish I wasn’t myself.