you see, 

my heart skips a little whenever your name pops up on my screen and I can’t help but feel like the little girl that has a crush on that boy she sees in the playground. I can’t help but have butterflies when I’m around you, when you try to catch my eye and I can’t seem to return the stares that make me feel like you’re burning into my soul. I can’t help the way I get nervous and fidgety when I’m around you; and if you placed your hand on my chest, you’d feel my heart beating so fast that I don’t even think Usain Bolt could keep up with it. 

I want you. I want all of you, the parts that you wish to hide. the parts that you want to keep open. I want all of you. not for my sake, but rather because it’s you that I feel makes me a better person. and, I know that I do the same for you. what makes it all so beautiful is that we don’t swallow each other up, we don’t take parts of one person and then continue to feed on it until it chokes the other person up. 

no. 

it’s different, because it’s the lifting the other up. the talking and the hugging when the other is hurting. the protecting and the hiding so that the other understands who you are. who you choose to be in this dynamic. and, I honestly don’t know. 

I don’t know where we are, or who we are. because I want this more than anything right now, I want you and I can feel it all in my soul and in my heart and it’s bursting for you to come and share yours with me. I don’t know what you want this to be. & maybe it’s you protecting me from you, from myself,  from us. and more than anything, my heart will break if you meet another. I just couldn’t take it; and that’s why I’d rather keep you afar, because I can feel my heart shattering into little pieces.

I honestly wish that you’d be clearer. I wish you’d tell me how you feel without the chains and the weight that you wish to keep on your back. because, I feel you. & i know you. I want to see it all, but you refuse to let me. 

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